Conflict: to be or not to be?

Me a series of questions often sets thinking: why in families often there are conflicts what it is connected with and how it is possible to avoid heat of anger? It is sure that each woman thought of these questions and for herself decided that she will be soft, gentle, loving, and the conflicts will be absent. There passes time, the stage of rough love, passions passes, family life with household problems begins, and THEY come here — the small konfliktik developing into big scandals.

Conflicts... Because of them the family most often falls. The wife repeats that she was tired of continuous reproaches of the husband, the husband — of the wife. And, as a rule, similar tension in family brings it to the culmination — a divorce. And how love? It is absent any more: it burned down in a flame of the household conflicts.

Whether it is possible to avoid it? How to smooth acute angles? We will try to answer these questions today, having considered several councils.


At once I will tell that councils can be effective only in that case when they are put into practice. "The theory without practice is dead..." — Alexander Suvorov said. And this is true.

These councils checked by me personally I think, will not peddle for you old stuff probably you heard and know about them, but "repetition — mother of the doctrine".

Council 1. You are not got from scratch.

"I for you everything, and you... you even cannot fold socks to one place" — the widespread phrase leading couple to fighting which develop into real war where all small misses of the rival will be remembered. In such situation each party will try to hit more painfully another, to strike with a word, and it, believe, the most awful weapon.

But as it is easy to avoid it! Though is not present, I lie... Easily in words, in practice to restrain very difficult, but, lovely ladies, grit teeth, clench fists and keep silent. Be cleverer than men!

I think that psychologists would advise to put in this situation themselves to the place of the man, to understand that he was tired after the working day that it is its men's nature and that socks are for darling nonsense.


Council 2. Let know to the person his importance.

The most famous psychologist Dale Carnegie carries out this thought through all the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", showing how to avoid the conflict and to achieve the on bright examples from life of the people who reached in life of much.

There was a controversial issue? Disagreed? You do not hurry to prove the case in angry, loud tone — men of it do not love. Talk to it quietly, discuss his point of view, then the. Take a pencil or the handle, the sheet of paper, write down pluses and minuses of both ways of solving the problem and let's the darling choose that there will be the most suitable in the discussed moment. Here you will see that after you give the chance of the choice, the young man will light up, will understand that it is important for you, will feel the importance.

Of course, it would be possible to try to prove, swinging hands, the correctness. But what would be result? Correctly, a quarrel, the conflict, the spoiled mood, pain, loneliness and an unresolved problem. Do you need it?


Council 3. Be able to recognize the mistake.

You are not right, you understand that you were mistaken, but the feeling of own importance does not allow you to recognize defeat honestly? Of course, there is a wish to protect itself, and the best protection — attack. And we begin to use this old reception. Sometimes, it, of course, helps, but not in our case. Approach darling and tell: "Darling, you are right, I was mistaken". Effect, it is sure, will strike you: the interlocutor will be shocked.

Yes, to recognize the mistake — really heroic act which will nip continuation of the imminent, senseless dispute in the bud and will transfer a conversation to the warm, peaceful course.

Council 4. The last council from a "way of the man lies through his stomach" series. Are surprised?

By scientists it is proved that full people, especially those who had dinner or had supper meat dishes are less inclined to the conflicts as at quarrels and when eating meat the same substance causing satisfaction and tranquility is produced. Feed the opponent with meat — and quietly discuss all issues. In confidence: the way affects only men.

It is sure, ways to avoid the conflicts much more. Four described above a way I often use and long ago was convinced of their effectiveness. Try also you!

In conclusion I will remind common truth: the theory without practice is dead.

Be happy and loved, smooth the conflicts and more often speak to favourite, dear man of his word of love, he deserves that!