Adventures with inspection... My stress and grief... Thoughts of eternal...

Many years ago I was fond of reading astrology. As with astronomy in due time I did not make friends, and ceased to pay attention to the sky...
But I do not believe in fortune-telling. And here astrology seemed to me amusing. It appears, in the sky constellations are visible!
I even learned to distinguish the most important.
Without problems found Vega and Cassiopeia...
And even Fog Andromedy... Galaxy, fatal for us.
Generally, stars to me helped to struggle with a stress and to endure failures.
Now I almost do not look at the sky. And in vain...
Perhaps, everything that happens to us in life, makes the secret sense and a lesson on the future.

Before and after treatment by hormones I passed mammography and always everything was good.
Of course, nervousness was present, but not especially... I knew that everything is good, there was some strange confidence.
This year I made X-ray on March 31. On an insurance which from us is calculated monthly.
At first X-ray becomes and watch pictures of 2 doctors. Then can appoint additional inspections.
Two years ago everything was clean, I received paper and calmed down.
This year paper was not, and it was ringing on Wednesday during the lunchtime. The secretary by a business voice told to arrive and take away the envelope with documents for passing of additional inspections. Specifically, ultrasonography.
I learned not nothing from it more. She did not want to speak!
And it was senseless to go: they were closed in 15 minutes. Work till a lunch.
What I endured at that moment, words not to describe... Not fear! Some despair... And disappointment...
This uncertainty just knocked down me.
I reported to the husband about a call. He understood nothing. Then it was necessary to explain that it can mean.
He began to worry about me.
Mind I understood that panic will not help me, it is necessary to calm down and wait.
But it is easy to tell it, and to make very difficult.

Further, as in fog, there passed day. I did not cry. But thoughts me were visited by different...
About life, about life values, about sense, about the future of my relatives, first of all, children.
What with them will be if...
Well and in such spirit.

I began to look for, where to make ultrasonography. Found several paid and free. (On an insurance). Called the paid center of mammography. There I was told that without all documents they cannot appoint inspection, they need the diagnosis. And that I called them when I take away it.
Learned cost. Money did not concern me at that moment.
Night did not sleep, naturally...
Went with the husband through all city behind results in the morning. He insisted to go with me.
Took away papers and disks, the husband asked the secretary what is there, what diagnosis. She answered that there is nothing terrible! Just additional inspections.
I did not believe.
But I could not read a scribble of the doctor!!! It was shock of my life! Having the diagnosis, I cannot read it!
Began to ring directly from the car the x-ray center to appoint ultrasonography. For money. That quickly! So I thought...
I was answered that until the end of May everything is occupied.
What??? New shock.
I answered them that is possible, I will not live until the end of May. (((
I had no hysterics, surprisingly... I was quiet externally.
At home began to call in other clinics.
Could not accept me quickly anywhere. Found a visit for May 17. Registered.
Continued to look for...
Despaired. ((((
The husband, that - told that, I shouted at him... no way..

Then drank valerian drops.
Also there was a miracle---where I gave birth to the kids, in that clinic, there was for me time for ultrasonography next day!
The husband left for work, I called him and told that I found a free visit for tomorrow!
He, it seems, was delighted... But at home began to grumble that I hurry and in general... who will take away children from a garden?... Time, you see unsuccessful.
I finished decent words, and indecent I aloud do not say therefore I kept silent and left.
It was not appeased that I hurry.
And how to me to live??? And how to celebrate Easter? On soothing?
I was happy and grateful to the sky that the visit was for me so quickly!
The second night I did not sleep, span in a bed, jumped at 6 in the morning.
That to distract itself, read your records, left comments, and most it was so sad at heart... Most of all from - for uncertainty.

Brought children to a garden.
And time does not go, it creeps...
Removed, washed the floors, and on verandahs too... Fed animals, watered flowers...
Itself put in order, even made up.
To go to the downtown, the road is perfectly familiar to me... Long ago I did not go there. In clinic...
Arrived, paid for the parking, went to the fast test for a coronavirus. 15 minutes waited for result. Negative.
Led me in clinic. Just like that you will not come, the admission is necessary: epidemic introduced the amendments...
In an office of X-ray she gave the documents to the secretary, the doctor.
The doctor went to watch pictures.
I was led on ultrasonography, told to lay down.
I lay and did not think of anything...
Looked around, on a ceiling where the conditioner as the room without windows is built in.

The doctor appeared with the Soviet diploma! Studied in Odessa. Spoke with me in Russian and it was pleasant to it!
At once calmed me: there is nothing, only a cyst! They are good-quality!!!
At once felt better me, from heart went away. From the doctor blew as heat and warm-heartedness. You will seldom meet not indifferent doctors!
Generally, cysts not dangerous.
A little with liquid, one with what - that firm, but is not critical.
Looked at lymph nodes, all are normal.
Made all measurements, made pictures and told that to worry there is nothing.
But: I have dense mammary glands and on 2D X-ray nothing can be understood. Therefore X-ray 3D is shown me. And where I did, I nothing it was told.
Means, in a year I will come again and to me everything is surveyed by the same doctor at them on the 3D device.
In total!
I was free!!!

Paid in cash desk and took away the documents. Year of tranquility is presented to me... This such happiness!!!
Suddenly everything found sense and life played all paints!
I sat down on a chair in a corridor, took a sip of waters, called the husband. It and children were already at home. The husband allowed them to gorge on instead of a lunch of chocolate... It is inconceivable. (((
The way home was long... At this time day the movement on roads very active...
At me the head ached. But it is not important any more...

Now I can quietly worry new lokdaun for 2 weeks (yes, us closed on houses from again - for jump of diseases), I can celebrate Christ's Revival the savior, I can rejoice to the sun and the sky!
Also I can make plans.)))

Life is unpredictable... There is a wish to trust in the best! Not to lose hope.