How to turn the husband into the brother. Stories from the psychologist's office. No. 5

Lida sat before me gone out as a wax church candle. I advised her many years ago when she addressed me with complaints to "a celibacy wreath" which to it was foretold by the fashionable fortuneteller in the city. That time I helped Lida to get rid of this damnation by healing from a psychological children's trauma. There was a story with the father abuser as it is fashionable to call the men who are letting loose hands in the relations with the wife and children now. Lida finished a Gestalt with the father, got rid of burdensome memoirs, and after that received from me as a gift the Program algorithm for involvement of the true partner for creation of family. Lida then made all tasks of this algorithm, and got acquainted through friends with the wonderful man by the name of Sergey (names of participants of history are changed).

Sergey and Lida were on friendly terms about a year, looked narrowly to each other, learned everything about families of each other, and only after were convinced that the ardent passion passed into deep love, decided to undersign and celebrated a wedding.

Lida's parents lived in other city, and Lida almost did not communicate with them. With mother she had quiet and cool relations, and the father died after a heart attack. At Sergey the father went to a better world too, and here his mother at first sight fell in love with Lida. A lead it was very unusual that the mother-in-law from the very beginning of their acquaintance called her the daughter. Lidin mother never was such tender. Beaten the husband, Lida's mother all life lived the closed in itself, lonely and not happy woman. The last years struggled with cancer and once again tried not to disturb Lida. Fortunately, she managed to achieve permanent remission, and Lida at least ceased to worry for her life.

The mother-in-law often came on a visit to Lida and Sergey, the benefit they lived on the neighboring streets, always brought with itself tasty pastries, a pickles and jam from giving. As well Sergey with the wife often visited beloved mother. Lida caught herself on what pulls it to the mother-in-law, especially when that sincerely and tenderly called her the daughter. The mother-in-law could invite Lida to the dacha and without Sergey. That with pleasure helped "mother", and learned about family of the husband much. Including that Seryozha in the childhood had younger sister who died in the early childhood of the unclear diagnosis.

In five years Lida with the mother-in-law made friends so close that they could not live without each other any more. Lida shared with her everything what could not tell anybody any more about. And the mother-in-law found grateful ears for the memoirs.

And here Sergey began to move away gradually. After they with Lida managed to change the one-room apartment for the three-room apartment, it is far from the house where there lived his mother, they did not cease to go, more precisely already to visit to each other. But Sergey even more often began to spend the night not in the matrimonial bedroom, and on a sofa in the hall. Lida complained mothers-in-law, and that calmed her: "It is simple at you the child still small, and Seryozha is tired after work, everything is formed".

But it wanted "to be formed" nothing. The little son was four years old when Lida learned about Sergey's treason. The mother-in-law was the first to whom she complained. That calmed "daughter" and asked to forgive the useless son, justifying his behavior with kobeliny fatherly genes.

In consultation Lida constantly called the mother-in-law "mother" therefore I quickly understood that in this family there was a substitution of roles. Lida projected an image of mother whose love so was not enough for Lida on the mother-in-law. Sergey's mother who lost the daughter unconsciously saw her in Lida. Thus Sergey at the unconscious level gradually began to perceive Lida not as the wife and as the sister. Even did not come to their mind that loss of sexual inclination to each other was that they began to perceive it as an incest. The brother with the sister should not be sexually close. And when Sergey constantly heard from the beloveds the address to each other: "mother", "daughter", - he and began to perceive the wife as the sister.

Unfortunately, at that time, as Lida addressed me, was to change something already late. Sergey's mistress became pregnant and set a condition: "divorce Lida, or you will lose me and you will never see the child". Sergey chose the mistress and filed for a divorce with Lida. We with Lida worked over this problem, and she not only realized everything, but also hosted all event as the sign of the fact that there came the new stage in her life, already without Sergey. She visited the mother, spent with it a vacation and made the decision to move with the son to that city where there lived her mother. I am sure that Lida will meet the worthy man and will not step on this rake any more, placing priorities in favor of the mother-in-law. With Sergey's mother at it still good relations. They call up and talk about everything. Only now Lida calls the former mother-in-law on a name middle name.

Since that moment as the wife begins to call the mother-in-law mother, her subconsciousness begins to perceive the husband as the brother. From this point slowly but surely in 100% of cases, the husband grows cold to the wife as to the woman and their sexual relations die away. They can forever remain good friends, can even continue to live together, but the healthy family will not be any more.

At the level of emotions the mother-in-law can replace for a while to the woman the unloving or absent mother, they can even begin to be on friendly terms. But the price of it is loss of the husband. And this problem is not so rare as it would be possible to imagine. Fortunately, this trend consigns to the past because women allow daughters-in-law to call themselves mother more and more seldom.

And you noticed such regularity? You impart experience in comments or observations of the acquaintances