Good year? For me - hell, but I looked for possibilities of rescue...

For me it is heavy to write this post... I never liked to share the problems that felt sorry for me, perhaps... But so it turned out that 2020 began at me with hell and proceeds to this day... On January 15, on the 33rd week of pregnancy I had an otsloyka of a placenta... Nobody to me could sound the reason, all pregnancy was ideal... I got to 1% of women at whom it occurs for the unclear reasons... My son was 2 months in resuscitation, 3 months of pathology where I with him together lay... Everything ended painfully and sadly... My boy died on the 6th month of life...

In parallel my husband when I was together with the son in hospital, itself is hospitalized... the 8th hour operation, 4 days of resuscitation... As a result - cancer 3 stages... Big percent of survival... As a result, on July 2 my husband died... 2 minutes ago I saw him alive, and here I shake and I beg him to regain consciousness...

We got acquainted 11.11.2011 (it seems, such incredibly beautiful date), this year there would be 10 years of acquaintance, 8 years of joint life and 2 years of official marriage. And for all that time of 6 years we worked in one profession on an udalenka, were near round the clock... We were crazy couple and madly loved each other... Probably, it is a payment for happiness...



For me all this just bad dream... It seems to me that I am an umira and ended up in hell... But is not present, I am alive, I live with pain which is difficult for describing owls... When the son died, my husband kept in me in a system... And fight for his life, whatever one may do, distracted, but now... I try to live very much... I look for new hobbies, I try to realize dreams, I begin new hobbies, otherwise I can just go crazy... And here I want to share the undertakings.

Embroidery

From school I began to embroider. The grandmother showed, it was pleasant to me. The second grandmother regularly gave me the magazine with embroidery schemes. There were many works for all this time. I issued some part within a marathon based on the FlyLady. Here a couple from them:




Now I embroider new work which I want to present to parents for New year. Also I began to embroider a portrait, our with the husband, but unfortunately, did not manage to finish it at his life. And to continue to work on it to me now hard.

Window plants

I always loved window plants. Somewhere "I will snatch" a branch where I will buy that from the granny. Often the husband gave them to me. He very much liked to indulge me in flowers, but it so grieved me to look at roses which begin to fade already next day. The fresh flower which will please not one year is better. From the last flowers at me appeared 2 - at last I bought an aloe and the last gift of the husband - a gloxinia.




Also at me the kiwi decently grew - I am going on this week to replace them in separate pots.


Well and here my pomegranate so grew up:


Knitting

At school on works we were learned to knit needles. My maximum in this hobby was - a hat and a scarf. My husband had a sweater which to it was knit by my mother. But over time it strongly stretched and it did not carry it. I decided to dismiss it and to knit a sweater to myself that on the house to go. It is my first experience of knitting of a sweater - well that there is such thing as YouTube. Now at me are ready before and a back, a mouth, I dovyazyvat one sleeve. What will turn out - I do not know, but process well distracts and calms.


Drawing

I never liked to draw, even in the childhood. But here very much was wild about prettification! Here now for such "draftsmen" as I, thought up a first-class thing - pictures by numbers. Long ago wanted to try and bought the first picture on test. Process very much was pleasant to me - distracts and tightens, the truth when long draw eyes are tired and "the fifth point" flows. Here such picture at me turned out:


I plan to buy every month to myself on one such picture.

Small repair

I live on the rental apartment. I needed to make repair in the hall, and now it is very relevant for me. But in October I will be come to visit by the father (he is a builder) therefore I postponed repair in the hall until his arrival.

I have a 3-roomed apartment, and naturally I began to sleep in other room. There I updated a bedside table.

Here such terrible it was:


But a roll decorative self-adhesive films and new handles work wonders. Here such this bedside table at me became:


Plus now, for the present summer, I paint batteries and doors, there where paint polupitsya already.

Playing drums

Always admired a game of drummers! And years 5 as dreamed to learn to play drums. And one of ways of derivation from a grief I chose this occupation.


I go to lessons once a week and as my teacher - at me speaks, it appears, ideal hearing, and hands work as for the drummer with forty years' experience. But a game this actually difficult, especially when began to learn to play with legs. Pancake, three sweats descends. Generally, this occupation very much is pleasant to me.

Walks

I began to walk much. Went to the cinema on "The black widow" - very much I love movies fantasies and removed according to comics. One went, and you know, there is in it beauty.

In the 10th minute walking from my house on the embankment we have very beautiful square. Periodically I go in the evenings there and I read the book.

Also, near my house there is a yacht-club with the mini-park where in free walking peacocks, cockerels decorative, geese, ducks, swans and nutrias go. These animals can be fed, ironed. They approach you, take a forage, give themselves to stroke. I sat on steps near water and admired a swan, so one nutria climbed to me is direct on hands that I ironed it. Very luxurious place!


And huge sazans who successfully send all ducks around themselves still there swim:


Yoga

I started going also to yoga. But not such where you come, you do asanas and all. Actually the yoga is a spiritual development, knowledge of, ability to concentrate. Classes at us are once a week, we have many practician on meditation, mantras, dances and asanas. Very interestingly! And in September at us there comes the guru from India and it will be possible to be held initiation - to receive own name in Sanskrit and a personal mantra for meditations.

Here such I gave out year... Yes, all this is terrible so, as will not wish to the enemy. But I try to distract constantly myself, to look for new occupations, entertainments. There are still plans - to go in the fall to some sanatorium, descends on the new movie of Venum-2, to return on a pool dens, to be engaged still in something creative.