The secret truth about men. Part 2. Thirst of the father

The patriarchal character replaced worship of Mother earth with worship of the Heavenly Father. In order that the boy grew up the real full-fledged man (from the psychological point of view) his maternal complex, his femininity has to have an equal counterbalance to a fatherly complex which is also present at unconscious men, but sometimes happens stronger, than maternal. Thanks to mother the child can feel the world as the careful and protecting it environment. Thanks to the father it can get support to enter the world and to begin to fight for the life.

But times of the tribe and community sank into oblivion, and the industry, that without knowing, destroyed the invisible threads connecting fathers and sons in collaboration (hunting, the field, etc.). What do we see today? Before our eyes there is a further and deepest division of fathers and sons.

Probably, the picture is familiar to much, when the father, coming tired from work and sincerely devastated, lenno checks the diary of the son, and then after a dinner sits down at the newspaper (the magazine, the book, the TV, the computer and so forth) at once. Often not matured men, without seeing need of full communication with the son, consider made norm. They feed and dress family, they pay bills, they spend some time with children (alas, it is insignificant small for full communication and education). For them it is norm. That which to them was given by their fathers, and their subjects.

With loss of a ritual of growing (about it I wrote in the first part), and also wise elders, men ceased to perceive true value of fully for a long time. Whether it be, total physical absence of the father or his non-participation in education of the son (symbolical absence), the child cannot ask those questions which concern him the arising Ego. And all because see and is internally felt that the father is not capable to give answers.



Once, one boy, during the playing soccer, strongly struck a knee. He began to cry, and the trainer, having approached it, told: "If you cannot suffer from this pain now, then it will be worse further". The boy looked at other children, senior him on age, and hoped that someone from adults will reveal to it a secret of how they surpass pain. But nobody approached it, and even own father could not answer his question fully. And all because adults did not know the answer as in due time nobody taught them to it.

The man constantly lacks this fatherly influence, this archetype of the father. The man, accepting hollow and social roles as the obligation, reduces the vital role to a necessary minimum, without having learned to go the way. And nowadays more the hero not the one who, having overcome fear, underwent war, and the one who, having overcome the internal demons (i.e. in fact the injuries of ancestors which are not cured in time by them) found himself as something individual and new.

Projecting psychology of thirst of the father on the husband, I, eventually, understood why it so reaches for the father. He tries to be closer to him in hope to receive that great knowledge of male purpose. But now I know that his father is not capable to give it this knowledge as, having lived the most part of life, he did not learn in himself this truth and does not aspire to it. But he incites, absolutely unconsciously, my husband against marriage as itself in the childhood did not receive that heat which he had to, and, projecting the internal femininity on the wife, could not live with it life. It left, having left it, the disabled person, and two sons, to another, but also from that it has regular sexual contacts on the party. Therefore I will not be surprised at all if my husband begins to project model of the family relations from family of the parents, of course, unconsciously.



It as the plant (child) seeks to reach for the sun (to the father, a patriarchal projection to the Heavenly father) therefore it does a lot of things unconsciously to receive a praise (support) from the father. Now, I think, for this reason, my husband left to serve under the contract to Chechnya (he tries to live not lived fatherly life). But, knowing and analyzing its some psychological problems, I am sure that I will be able to help it with overcoming this test unostentatiously. And on it all my female wisdom will be required.

Each son needs something from the father. Especially he wants to hear that the father loves it and accepts it what it is. Too many men got lost, making the internal wandering in the direction of individualization because did not get support from the father. Naturally, sons decided that they have to adapt somehow to requirements of the father, having subdued the desires to meet him approval. Often they got this approval, seeking to meet expectations of the father.

Continuation in the following part. Fear.